Forgotten Father's Day: Abortion Has Negative Impact for Men, Relationships
"Induced abortion reinforces defective problem solving on the part of the male by encouraging detachment, desertion, and irresponsibility.... Abortion rewrites the rules of masculinity. While a male is expected to be strong, abortion makes him feel weak. A male is expected to be responsible, yet abortion encourages him to act without concern for the innocent and to destroy any identifiable and undesirable outcomes of his sexual decision making and/or attachments.... Whether or not the male was involved in the abortion decision, his inability to function in a socially prescribed manner (i.e., to protect and provide) leaves him wounded and confused."
Sound familiar? How many husbands and fathers find it difficult to take the role of the strong provider in the family? How many wives, and subsequently children, suffer the consequences of this impotent role in their family? The attitudes of these hollow men lead to role confusion in the family, force the women to take the role that is designated for the male, and destroys the hierarchy that God created for the family; for man and women, and their children.
"Typical male grief responses include remaining silent and grieving alone. In the silence, a male can harbor guilt and doubts about his ability to protect himself and those he loves.... Some become depressed and/or anxious, others compulsive, controlling, demanding and directing. Still others become enraged, and failure in any relationship can trigger repressed hostility from their disenfranchised grief.... [The act of running from the grief process] fosters denial and forces a male to become a "fugitive" from life, loving, and healing. A guilt-ridden, tormented male does not easily love or accept love."
A woman may wonder why her husband is so detached, especially in the act of being an active father to their current children.
"If a past abortion is kept secret in subsequent relationships, this secret may have a destructive effect on the new couple's relationship and their family unit. Secrets signify a lack of trust, which acted upon, becomes distrust. Unable to share a secret pain, the secret keeper is unable to experience the full acceptance and love of family members who are being kept "in the dark." The secret thus exerts a constant hold over the couple and the family; it is an obstacle to more complete intimacy."
How many men are walking wounded? How many families suffer the consequences of the past actions of these men? The healing process is a long and painful road; and the man may never again find his past purity- but to reach out is to begin. May God reach these men so that they can then reach out to begin to be healed.
Learn more: Read about the latest study on abortion's impact on men's relationships.